Online dating rejection hurts
Then they get one, two or more hostile, even hateful, emails from the guy, as though they had broken up after years together. I've had several first dates where we enjoyed each other but things didn't heat up enough intellectually, spiritually and physically, to go to the next step only to get texts or emails along the lines of "Most men I meet can't WAIT to see me again! Another potential date this one was three to four years ago, but the memory is clear and I texted back and forth about when and where to meet.
I said something like, instead of 4 p. Not exaggerating - this was the trivial level of the conversation. She angrily replied that she had never been treated so poorly by anyone. I don't remember this particular form of insanity from my younger dating days. Don't get me wrong. I dated people of marginal stability and I certainly behaved crazily toward some. But this level of hurt feelings seems new. I'm a sensitive guy no, really! And no one is better than I at being a basket-case after a long relationship ends. So when women tell about guys they emailed a few times who call them every foul name imaginable because they wouldn't go out with the guy, I get worried for these women.
When I didn't follow up with a woman I met once for what can only be called a bad date who then sent me a note telling me in some graphic detail how awful I was for not contacting her, I was confused. If we applied for a job and didn't get an interview, or got an interview but didn't get the job, would we send a hostile note? I wouldn't, but maybe people do these days. So this laboratory called online dating has some quirks. One of the downsides is dealing with hurt feelings that shouldn't be hurt.
As I said below, I offer potential solutions here. What do I do? Sometimes, I have sex with prostitutes in the foreign countries where I live. Mostly, however, I deal with my biological urges by masturbating. I am going to get personal here, something I rarely do. I find some of your comments a bit insulting. These comments really bother me. Anyway, looking forward to what you have to post next.
I like your way of thinking despite the friction here.
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I corresponded with a very attractive professional man for some considerable time. We were both of the opinion we wanted the same things, go slowly, see where it leads, if anywhere and that caution is the watchword. Now in my working life I have to have a bubbly outgoing personality to deal with my clients, some of whom hit on me regularly, with only sex mind.
My makeup is understated and classy. I met this lovely chap who was the same as I, quiet, a little shy and happy with silence. We were on the same wavelength, his words, and all went well on our date, we laughed and had fun, planning to meet again soon. He could have told me that before the date, lord knows I gave him the opportunity more than once in our communications saying it was cool if he had changed his mind, and he was insistent he was incredibly interested in me and wanted to meet.
And my last relationship was one of the ultimate rejections, asking me to marry him after many years together, then not making good on his promise. He was just waiting for me to end it in the end. He was relieved it was over. I saw him recently and he was happy it was at an end. Yet this cruel heartless rejection keeps coming, from all quarters.
But back in England they call it heartlessness. Hi I was reading this article just recently and I am also going to join HarryH, Shelly and confused girl. I am pretty lady but guys just dont approach me. I can be friends with guys but can never get beyond that. I have tried online dating and yes I am fed up. Us women also get rejected by guys. I have a great profile without a photo but I always send it if a guy request. We will have great conversations until a certain point where they stop replying my messages.
Some people reach the first date meeting but I have never been that far. I am considerate with peoples feeling and so I think guys should do the same. Lets just say that I am giving up in trying to find a march. I will continue leaving my lonely life and take care of my self. Everybody gets rejected sometimes.
I am married now but was single for a long time so I like to read these blogs. I gave up on women at age 31 due to repeated rejections. I basically realized that I would never have a wife or a girlfriend. Giving up on women gave me a great feeling of serentity. Giving up an impossible and futile task trying to find romantic love made me feel more at peace than I had ever felt in years.
I started to get dates. I met my wife by a fluke —if not I would be single today. In college I was able to get through calculus, physics and accounting by hard work but dating success has nothing to do with hard work. Good luck to you guys out there. Hello, Interesting comment section. Well lets see where to start. Although i have dated in the past with moderate success i find i am left to date people i find unattractive or to not date at all , and dating people you dont find attractive is a recipe for disappointment.
Am I being overly picky? I have always been called pretty, but I am a bit overweight, and am wondering that is even a size 12 enough to put them off?? I have joined a gym this week to get in shape. But it freaks me out that maybe if I could attract a man whilst a size 8, when my body goes to a size 12 during pregnancy, will I stop being attractive to him? Is there THAT much difference between a size 8 and a size 12, in a guys eyes?? Oops that was supposed to be a comment at the end of the thread, not a reply to the fellow above!
Well I am slim, have no children, make some effort with clothes and makeup and female and cannot get a decent date either. Maybe since things have improved. I am in Australia BTW. I too have been rejected. I went out on 5 dates he seemed very keen, we got on had good chemistry. He comes round on the fifth and we become more intimate. Tested him to see if everything is okay, he claims it is. Im quite sensitive about my body and now its got me wondering if im just not attractive: I have one big problem with your post.
I am very much a tom boy. Am I supposed to completely change my personality to attract a man? Sacrifice my beloved khakis and jeans for sun dresses and padded bras? This is so unfair to me. I meet lots of guys and we all have a great time — but nothing ever happens. How do I attract someone without destroying who I am? You have to find how to do that in your own way. I can relate to most of the stories here. I too have been rejectited countless times. Its definitely my looks. Women to be honest have incredibly high standards these days. Studies show that women usually grade themsrlves about two leagues higher than they actually are.
So they end up with guys who dont really care about them reject guys who are their league.https://abnetmoidipi.tk/ethnology/the-infirmities-of-genius-illustrated-by-referring.pdf
Dealing With Rejection When Online Dating – Next Love Blog
So the cycle continues I think thats what the pua was trying to say that women start the rejection cycle. But the heart wants what the heart wants right. As for me im giving up. Ive hurt so bad before i cannot possibly take anymore. Concentrate on furthering your education and your career where time spent actually yields a return. I used to get mad when I saw thugs and bad boys get all the women. Then I accepted it and life was better.
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They want to be together and I accepted that. This is not worth getting upset over. I was in your shoes. I took a break from dating and got my MBA and advanced my career. I eventually found a wife. Depends how much tolerance for pain you have. For me, it depended on my mood. In April I was dumped on Friday by a girl I wanted to marry.
But on the following Monday I went to work and my badge still opened the door, the paychecks kept coming in and I still had my property and all my stuff. She dumped me for some guy who quickly dumped her. He was smarter than I was. I could look for another girl or chill out.
Actually the girl who dumped me did me a favor. I was free to finish my education and take a far better job in Washington DC I lived in California when she dumped me. So it worked out for the best. She is divorced and alone today. That boring guy is a millionaire without a mortgage and multiple pensions and she.. There is a price for going with the bad boy. Sometimes, stepping back and rebooting can help or even lead to insights. At the very least, it gets you out of that stuck place. In the Washington DC area they have something called Events and Adventures where single people can meet in a low pressure environmment.
I met my wife at an event sponsored by Single Professional; Men and women now disbanded. Some couples meet in church. Maybe they can do it, but it seems awkward to me. Sounds as though it has gotten really bad. When I was single the girls in the DC area were hard to get. I went up to blue collar Baltimore and my market value went way up.
I had more fun in Baltimore in one night than I had in DC in 3 years. Sometimes where you are makes a difference. Let me know what you think. Many married guys would love to be single again. Look at the high divorce rate. Unmarried couples are not much better off. Women complain about their boyfriends all the time and visa versa. I have found that success with women is not like success in college or in work. In just about every activity in life, the harder you work , the better you do. When I stopped looking, everything improved. Go to Baltimore or New Orleans and hit the clubs…have the time of your life..
I had a lot of fun in both cities…. San Antonio was great also. You guys think you get rejected? This guy kept checking me out so I thought I had a chance. So I started saying hi, and he would say hi back. So I would talk to him a little and he would talk a little but seemed very nervous around me. Then one night I went to talk to him and just asked if he wanted a cup of coffee, and if he lived far from here, and asked him what he does. I made him laugh, I thought I had a chance, he never comes and talks to me. Why did he keep checking me out all the time? It would be nice just to have a friend.
So how do you think I feel? You know what I love to do, sleep. After years and years of rejection, I just give up. Screw this world, I waiting for heaven, God is my soul mate. Can anyone figure out what the problem is? I just want a guy friend. And by the way, I get rejected even if the guy is interested first!! You believe that shit? Yeah, I know that feeling! After a very painful relationship, where I was futily chasing the woman, I resolved never to chase a woman who has not shown copious interest.
But not even that works! After the strong flirting and the initial convo, interest dries up asap. What is with that?? I agree to a certain extent. Sometimes its just the hand you are dealt. But you want to know what your problem is? Sonetimes people give up toi early or just quit.
To be honest all of us would be in a relationship if we were not so damn picky. Everyone who is single if you really look at it its because you choose to be. We alk know someone who likes us but they just dont fit our high standards. Karen, I hope everything works out for you. I gave up on women when I lived in Southern California.
I had a secure well paying job and my own 3 bedroom home in a nice, safe area. Bad boys and thugs with felony convictions had so many women they were pushing them away. I reasoned that if a convicted felon was more desirable than me, there was no point in pursuing women any further. Ironically , after I stopped pursuing, I started getting dates. Church can be a nice place to meet decent people. If you go this route, I suggest a large church greater chance of meeting someone. I agree that guys should not lead you on if they are not interested.
I am currently on a matrimonial site and majority of the men do not like a plain jane woman like myself, but are attracted to those beautiful women who are fashionable and would make a good trophy wife. Men have rejected me mostly for physical appearance for being a petite small frame woman and plain jane. My profile information that I have about myself shows my personality that I am a really nice person and I actively serve in the community by volunteering for non-profit organizations like animal shelters, worship place, helping US military through donating items, and more.
I truly understand what many men and women go through who are rejected just because they are plain or average looking, no not make high salary, or do meet educational requirements, a fashionable person, tall, or athletic or slim, or popular person. Despite being rejected so many times, I have faith that a right man will show up in my life who God wants me to be with who will find me very beautiful inside and out.
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Yes, I agree with some of the comments that I read about people overrating themselves or exaggerating about themselves in order to make them appear they are top notch or worth getting a perfect 10 woman or man. There are also people who like rejecting people in order to make them feel good about themselves or build their ego. I left my issue with the rejection to God and I know that he does got a special someone for me. It does hurt being rejected so many times, but God will come through for me. Misha, When I lived in Los Angeles I had a secure well paying job and my own 3 bedroom home in a nice safe area.
I was busy with owkr and graduate school so it made sense to give up. After I gave up on women I started to get dates. All the well educated women want to pair up with men on their same educational level or up. You can have a heart of gold and never cheat on them and respect women. Not talking about being a pushover here by the way. They wont have it. They have to have the total package, witty, looks, high income, be a pet lover, travel to many countries etc.. I fell like we are stuck in limbo.
Too good for the low income, low self esteem females and not good enough for the super independent, well educated women. How can I stop thinking about love, relationships, marriage and children? I am sick and tired of being rejected. The last one I met and dated in , after six years of being uninterested and alone, lied about not being married. I just found out that he has 3 kids and a wife. The one before him dated me for five years only to go down the isle with a girl five years my junior, chosen by his parents, who did not even want to meet me. It turns out that he wants me back because the younger bride is infertile.
The one before him married someone else when both of our cousins dated and married before us. And the story continues. I feel too discouraged to date again at the age of 31 for fear of being rejected again. I agree wholeheartedly with the majority of your post, however I got to disagree like some of the other guys with women getting rejected the way men do. Very few women good looking or even average can say that they get rejected at the beginning after date 1 or 2, or even before either!
I agree with most of what you say, Carmello. On this article, and another one like it I wrote years ago, a few men try to tell me what men experience and why women have it easier, and then go on to blame women. The problem is, these men have no idea what women experience; they only see their only point of view.
But someone like myself actually works with both sexes. Complaining keeps us stuck and miserable. With all due respect but why is it that when women go on fora and start man bashing its good forthem to release but when mmenvent their frustrations it becomes incorrect and indecent? I think a lot of men here have very valid points and women could actually learn something if they stopped being arrogant about it and see what the other side is saying.
Just look at the number of men who have responded here. I think there is a pretty big social problem here because some people are failing to find partners. So instead of trying to sweep the problem under a rug address it. You want to see what part of the problem with women is? Read the comment from the lady, the one lady guest on this forum, read her comment on 5th of Jan …. Women use rejecting men to make tjemselves feel good. Just a quick update on where life has lead me since I asked you to address the agony of rejection……..
I had an email last week from the last man I dated, the one whom prompted me to post here in the first instance. He said he hoped I was in good health and looking forward to the festive season. Well, blow me down with a feather………I thought whether I would dignify his email with a response, and if so what kind of a response would it be? I decided I needed to have some thinking time before I would address him, so popped back a very succinct email informing him I was travelling over festive period, hoped he was well, and closed the email.
I then got a response within hours asking me if I were available, would I like to meet up on my return home.. I then went travelling, thought about the situation and made a decision. I was NOT going to be made a fool of a second time around. Upon my return home, I eventually decided to respond to him. The only decision I had to make was how much of the higher ground did I want to retain. I responded to him saying I was at a loss to know why he would want to further date someone he had been verbally brutal in rejecting. I reminded him of his terminology and said I could not think of what could have caused him to think differently.
I wished him every success in finding the right partner in the future. I sent the email, and a few days later I got a rather odd reply confirming I was correct about how he felt about me, and that he had remembered our parting differently. Also he regretted being so bluntly spoken when reminded of what was said. He realised he threw something good away, because he now knows he needs to be friends with the woman he will make his wife. He thought that could have been me his words again , but made a big mistake by rejecting me that way.
I was looking for a friend, not a husband, so nothing had changed for me. I got no apology from him just a quick sign off with a few x after his name. I was rather shocked to think, he would hope I would be conducive to the idea of re-establishing a dating pattern with a view to a future together after the way he had spoken to me. What was he thinking? Christine, you have to have an answer for that? I feel much better for doing so. I think your comment does a good job summing up the real problem here, but probably not in the way you think.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of comments I have to delete come from men, and most of them have been on this thread. I DO see the real problem. This happens in both sexes, but I see it more in men. I believe these men have endured pretty deep wounds early in life, and those festering wounds are being dragged into adulthood and dating in unhealthy ways. They think the problem is women, that if only women would change, or if people like me would acknowledge that women are at fault, then everything will be okay. Horrible rejections by horrible women.
They move on to find better women. Dating and relationships will test your strength more than anything else in life. You get pummeled by rotten people, it beats you down before making you stronger, and you move on. Repeated rejection is painful and frustrating.
Rejection in Online Dating
It serves no one, including the hater. I want people to come here for help, and for hope. I want them to see good examples of men and women who appreciate the other sex, or are at least trying to.